This last week has been focused on reorganizing the team and getting back on track. As team lead, I did not feel a sense of authority over an idea that I originally had no input in creating. Although I chimed in on the concept as it was being written and left many ideas on the metaphorical table, ultimately the entire project outline was already set in place before anybody could put other ideas or commentary forth. That vision for Mountainheart has remained unaccomodating and resilient to change. My fellow teamates have tried to get involved regardless and make it work, but none of us have felt the connection to become truly engrossed or passionate in our work. As leader, I was unable to dish out inspiration or enforce a particular vision of a concept that was foreign to me. I felt somewhat detached and unknowledgeable of Mountainheart, whereas a leader should be the one that knows the game inside and out. As the artist, this became more apparent, as I was constantly corrected on how certain designs should look and that it would “suffice for now” without any clear direction from Xander, our creative director. I was only told what I did wrong after I finished and was pressured to correct or redo it after already putting in the entire class' worth of time. Being productive as the team’s artist and trying to adhere to Xanders vision did not balance well with trying to find time to set others on track. I also realized based on the number of corrections I received while making art assets, that I really didn’t have a solid enough clue as to what Xander expects and that trying to set people in line would often interfere or conflict with what he wanted them to be doing. Therefore it would make more sense for the creative director and team lead to be the same person/position. However, now Cameron has assumed the lead and is working in conjunction with Xander. I’m not sure how this change will affect the team or if it will make any difference. I don’t think it hits the root of the issue. In my opinion, it is essential for a team to all be on board and to feel heard. We came here to create games we enjoy, not to be minions. This objective has been made difficult especially since our team wasn’t in full effect from day one, and without knowing the extent of what Xander had already created. And now it’s too late. Perhaps Cameron will have more success, especially considering he can be more direct and confrontational than I feel comfortable with among friends and peers. I think it is an important trait to have as a leader, and unfortunately, I lacked it. His looser fill-in-the-gaps role also allows him more time to look over the shoulders of everyone. He is also more stringent in his organization and deadlines. I hope that this change works out and we can get a working game up soon. As a class, we all missed a day from the Durham piping issue, and I also felt under the weather so missed an additional day. The other days were spent trying to revive the team and make leadership work. I also played around with the cassette design further and we have decided on having a cassette player as the permanent UI with several different cassette tapes that are placed into it. The tapes will have different designs and serialized numbers. This week I played around with the design and for now, I have a provisional cassette player for Unity until the fully polished design is flushed out. I like the idea of letting the player be able to visualize which tape is currently playing and for them to have distinct designs. I do worry about animating in the future and that the cassette player may look confusing on its own. A realistic cassette player look may be too complicated for the style of UI I envisioned, so I like the minimalistic and pseudo-cartoony design. However, I think it needs more details and a more defined bevel around where the tape is inserted. Overall, this week was scrambled both in terms of time at school and the workflow. We need to get back on our feet and hopefully, the changes will be conducive to more productivity and clarity. From here on out, we should all be on the same page, at last. The fate and realization of our game depend on it. As the artist, I will continue working with the cassette design and will also finish the inventory UI I have started as shown above. After that will be the settings and main navigation screen. Everyone else has roles to be doing as well. Hopefully, we can all get them done and have more definitive results at the end of next week for the following project check. Main points:
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I think you can tell a lot about a person from what they eat for lunch. Is it hot lunch that the school provides, or did they pack a full-course onslaught of delicious food stolen from home? Perhaps homecooked cuisine, dinner leftovers, or maybe a lunchbox stuffed with snacks among other crap? Yes, you can glean quite a bit by what is splayed in front of them when it comes time to chow. Aside from where they sit and who they sit with. Once they set their trey down or unzip their lunchbox, a facade is uncovered and a piece of reticent home-life is revealed. You could tell a lot about me from what I bring; it arrives in an aged grey-on-black zipped case with a stitched plastic texture. By the looks of it, I have probably carried it with me every day since middle school. You could tell that much by a simple glimpse. Before, was a flatter one shaped like Darth Vader's mask. It had worn down so much at the edges and contours that holes formed; until, finally, somebody else threw it out for me. But, I had loved that lunchbox. It encompasses the first period in my life, followed by only one other. My current lunchbox is riddled with ruddy stains; the result of spilled food, or the effect of me wiping my hands on the days I forgot to add napkins. Underneath the surface is a sticky interior, stuck with crumbs from storing my trash when a can wasn't in sight. You could take it as innovative and crafty, or as a lack of extended effort. Though, it's my lunchbox. I decide what to do with it. Every morning I wake up I follow the same routine; after dressing and brushing my teeth, I cycle through the stations of snack-bins in my pantry and stuff my lunchbox full of their contents. I feed it an indulgence of lazy and unhealthy calories. Fuego Takis, Extra-Cheddar Goldfish, Toasted Cheez-Its, Cheeto Puffs; the whole round. To top it off is the main course of the daily PB&J. Do I not get tired of eating the same bland food every single day? I guess I count on my hunger and willingness to eat pretty much anything, by the time B-Lunch comes around. My family doesn't really have dinner leftovers, and my parents don't really cook for me. And I am really too lazy to cook for myself. It takes a lot of effort to prepare something more meticulous. Among my friends, my lunch is definitely the worst; rudimentary in comparison to their extravagant dishes. I learn about Italian, Indian, Greek, or Serbian dishes. I bask in their flavory scent. I can see glimpses into my friends' lives; their parents calling them to the dinner table which is lined in beautifully patterned cloth, and a full-fledged meal spread across its length, prepared directly from the family legacy recipe-book. The next morning they toast the leftovers, which are stored in a canteen to be eaten later. I've always longed for that culture and care at home, and the leftovers to show off at school. To comfort or remind me of a safe place. I am left with my Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches. Even though they may not look ideal, they have been there for comfort since I stopped eating school lunch in middle school. I value my lunches. It doesn't matter if you can tell that I throw them together as I rush out of the house, that I don't have frequent family dinners, or that I should put more care towards my health because it's good enough for me. Good enough. TLDR:
This week I have focused on my responsibilities as the primary and lead artist of my group. Xander and I have worked on the conceptualization of the UI design together, while I have been putting it together in Illustrator. Rather than a play-head button, we decided to do something more unique and have an actual cassette on the player's screen. This adds to the immersion of the game and will more strongly engage the player. It also increases the functionality by having several buttons available, such as the eject and rewind/fast-forward buttons, as would a real-life cassette player. We plan to animate it as well so that the player can visualize the tape's progression as well as swap the individual tapes in and out of the player. This way it would mirror a real cassette tape and player. We may also change the design of each different tape, or number them according to their serial so that the player can differentiate them easily. As for the actual design, since Mountainheart takes place in a facility from the 60s, we decided to do a similar color theme as demonstrated by the muted beige background highlighted with the vibrant pastel lines. Because it's a UI component, and for the sake of remaining cohesive, I decided to go the route of making the tape simple and somewhat cartoony. Not only was this easier to make from scratch, but it also gave necessary leeway for the design to be modular and customizable. However, because Mountainheart is a horror game and takes place in a dilapidated facility, I decided to touch it up in Photoshop by adding a texture to help convey the more rustic and eerie ambience; a fine compromise between hyper-realistic and overly cartoony. Since I used a modular approach to designing the tape, and because its a vector designed in Illustrator, we can always make edits and nitpicks. As for now, I am very happy with how the simplistic design meshes with the texture. It definitely encapsulates what I was going for without any shortcuts, and it is definitely the feel we were going for. Xander is still experimenting and wants to try a pixel based UI as well, which may be something else we test out. I also need to work on the other components of the UI, but this is the focal piece. From here, we plan to animate the cassette as well as begin integrating into Unity while I finish the rest of the UI. As for my responsibilities as team lead, the project is on track although a few of my peers have been stagnant in their work this week. I can't always be watching over their shoulder, especially when I'm actively working on important pieces for the game. I incentivize them whenever and wherever I can, but there are limits to my power and time. There is a lot to get done and not only am I actively working in class the most, I also have to organize the team which is even harder than it sounds. Overall:
This is my monthly post ranting about art. As an artist, I have always felt crippled by my own activation energy; in other words, the hurdle of perfectionism and procrastination I have to overcome for starting each new project or idea. It isn't just in my art. Procrastination snipes me in every area of life. It lurks and then shoots its shot, right when I am about to push through. It shoots me to the ground so I can't get up. I procrastinate change in general, and any potential discomfort, while I bask in content - a certain type of conformity in an easy, unproductive life. Sedentary by all means. It is overwhelmingly difficult to trudge through the swamps of low cortisol, sublimated anxiety, and suppressed reality. I have already made myself numb, and all that's left is my longing to recover feeling without the means to do so. How do you get the motivation to overcome the things that weigh you down, when those very things are what hinder you from doing so? It feels like a fool's errand; a futile effort that was set up to be impossible from the get-go. Sisyphean's task. I'm trapped in the paradox of needing to conjure the motivation in order to overcome my lack of motivation. Irony, huh? Where does the motivation come from; spontaneously, out of nowhere? I have the faintest clue. The sad part is that I know I have the potential to do well at everything I try, but I lack faith to take the leap. What people fail to acknowledge, is the tandem of needing to do everything perfectly and subsequently putting things off until the last minute. They are directly correlated, and come in a power duo. Perhaps I have found the cause, the root of my malady. Why would anybody want to willingly face their own scrutiny? I hate the aftermath of my OCD towards anything I "finish", the days of insecurity that come in the wake of a finished project, the lack of reward and fulfillment to make it feel worth the work, as well as the mindset to keep improving. It is an uphill climb with the promise of a mounted flag and an overtaking sense of accomplishment, but in reality, is only followed by falling off the edge after reaching the top. There is a wretched voice that tells me what I do will never be enough because I live my life by comparison. I know that I have talked about the hidden value of perfectionism; how it helps me excel and improve the work I output. However, it is a two-headed beast. At the very least, I have my incessant need to satisfy, as well as my avoidance of negative confrontation, which keeps me on track with finishing my work. I worry about what will happen when those incentives become extinct. All of my accomplishments thus far in life have been the product of requisite encouragement. Am I yet to face my downfall? Going into college, I wonder If I will finally find my bearings or if it will be a continuation of disappointment. So that is the truth; everything I do feels awful in the end. Therefore I just don't do it, or I minimize my time effectively. I will always wait until the last minute, finish my projects the hours before they're due, and that way I won't have the affordance to correct every detail. I still feel the discontent, especially the insecurity. But, it is the easy route of fueling off of instinctual adrenaline rather than personal drive. Still, I worry that I will hate myself more if I try and can't succeed my vision, thereby losing any morsels of ego that I have somehow clung onto, or get my expectations too high to where I will feel the hurt of the fall. After all, my expectations are essentially perfection. End-notes:
This week my team has been efficient in our accomplishments. Each member is on track and understanding of their duties I updated the Trello and added extra functionality so it was easier to navigate, such as connecting it with Google Drive folders and directly attaching files. I also used features such as the checklists to give my team specific tasks to accomplish. This way it is clear-cut and easily understandable what specifically they are supposed to do; far more conducive to them getting tasks checked off. Outside of delegating roles and detailing everybody's tasks, I have been working on the UI. This has primarily been in the form of research, so I do not have much to show yet; there is a lot to take into consideration such as what program to design a UI in, the file size and type, resolution, how to integrate the designs into Unity, and other things that could potentially be obstacles, before jumping right in. I also have needed to brush up on my Illustrator skills so that I can make a visually appealing design because this is what will constantly be displayed on the players' screen. I do have some pieces of the design together, which I will polish and also make into vector graphics. Overall, my team has worked together well this week, with minimal internal setbacks as was before. Aside from me being out the last two days of the week from dislocating my knee, it has been primarily smooth sailing and the Trello board has been a good mediator between me and my group for keeping people on task. Xander has also filled in, taking on the role of making sure people are being efficient in the classroom. As far as the game goes, we have finished whiteboxing and Cameron is working on publishing it and sharing the file with Pranav and Liam because it is pertinent to their roles. Xander has been writing and recording audiotapes while also gathering inspiration for other group members to use, as Creative Director. Liam and Pranav have been compiling basic scripts and sound assets. The greatest accomplishment as a group was mitigating the confusion and internal conflicts from before with responsibilities, and getting everybody in a position where they are comfortable and not loafing. Next week will we continue working on whatever is leftover from this last week and the main focus will be on finishing the UI, as well as working out the basic character controls in Unity. All-in-all:
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AuthorMy name is Quinn Peterson! I will be reflecting about my art work in this blog! Archives
May 2022
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